Calamity Shazaam in the Kitchen

The April/May 2011 issue of the James Beard Foundation member newsletter has compiled a list of food lovers Then and Now, which appears on page 6. The eighth item down on the Now list is: Menu Curating. OMFG MENU F*CKING CURATING!!! That's it. I am having chicken McNuggets* for lunch. (The real kind from factory farms and which are made out of ground up chicken beaks and feet and sawdust. F*ck you foodies and the precious free-range, grass-fed, undyed chicken we rode in on! Harumph!)

The renovation HAS to be finished by Labor Day. No ifs, ands, or buts.  Which means that the last project to be finished will be the kitchen. You would think that with all the no-cooking I am not doing, the weight would fall off. But no. I am now a scavenger eater. It's pathetic. I have nothing in my fridge, and I've eaten almost everything out of the freezer, and almost everything I've canned.  I will some nights have popcorn for dinner, or pasta with garlic and Dutch vegetable seasoning I found in Aruba. (No, not a narcotic. I am pretty sure.) Although I did discover that a dinner of plain yogurt, maple syrup, and a kiwi will tide you over until the next morning.  Also, thank heavens for eggs. I will pretty much eat eggs with everything, on anything.  Just thought you'd like to know why there are no lovely food photos lately.

I now believe, nay, know that the Girl Scouts of America bake crack into Thin Mints. It is the only explanation as to why, when I get within 10 feet of a box of them, I lose all sense of reason and attempt to cram them all into my mouth at once. I truly cannot be trusted anywhere near them. Which in turn explains why a certain someone's phfffts smell a little minty at present. Whoops!

The only thing I didn't do this month is have dinner with my birthday twin (yes Ennairda, I am talking to YOU!) . Otherwise this has been the most fantastic birthday month ever. I got my NASCAR/Showtunes Fantasy League Champion trophy which was awesome. The Evil Twin and BiL had martini night at their house. My Dad got me a NASCAR Monopoly game, because you know, face it - I like NASCAR. I've gone out with friends and had enough fun and drinks and laughs to power me through April! On the actual night of my birthday though, La Maman took me out and indulged me in the most delicious oyster feast this year. Let me just say that I don't love seafood however oysters and salmon sashimi are the most delicious things a person can eat from the ocean. I suspect that the real reason I love oysters is because I read Consider the Oyster by M.F.K. Fisher, the same writer who got me to go have a nice dinner at a nicer restaurant on my own, without a book.  Anyone who can read tha