Calamity Shazaam in the Kitchen

So after 12 years I finally got a new stove. Which was pretty exciting considering my old stove was already about 10 years old by the time I got it. While I might be nostalgic for the old wheezy beast, more specifically the two hot spots that are perfect for yogurt making, I will not miss the uneven cooking, the tippy grates, and the burnt insulation smell that filled the house when the oven was going full blast. When I was shopping for a stove I only had two requirements: it had to be gas, and it could not have a "chicken nugget" button. Stoves with a chicken nugget button make me crazy, don't ask me why. And when I say I was shopping for a stove, what I really mean is that I was at Sears buying washers - clothes and dish (hooray rebates!)- and the stove happened to be on sale and since the delivery fee was for one appliance or ten, I figured why not. Let me just say that the difference between the old stove and the new stove is like the difference between a typewrit...

Dear Mom, Thank you for not giving me to the rubbish man when I was a screaming baby. Thank you for not seeming to mind when I came home from kindergarten with a banana mooshed in my pants pocket along with a handful of sand. Thank you for thinking I was the prettiest girl in the 6th grade when all evidence pointed to the contrary. Thank you for putting 6,250 dinners on the table at 7:30 every night for the whole family and for making us talk to each other. Thank you for making me go to the museum, to the library, to the symphony, to the theater, and to the opera. Thank you for making sure I was well fed, more or less appropriately dressed, housed, and educated. Thank you for laughing at me and more often with me. Thank you for "fly me to the mooooon" and "te la la!". Thank you for teaching me how to eat and which fork to use. Thank you for encouraging me to read and write. Thank you for being my Valentine every year and for putting a little heart shaped present i...

Last night was the Evil Twin's bachelorette party and it was a blast. Literally. We showed just enough cleavage to burst a water main , but we weren't slutty enough to cause an earthquake .... Appropriate head wear was provided, along with inappropriate chocolates, there was a show, lots of drinks, and a couple of Pedicabs. I think that is all that I am allowed to say about the night. As a result I am dragging today. Like SERIOUSLY dragging. I am not hungover, but I did drink tequila and as everyone knows, tequila is the vampire of alcohol. It doesn't make me sick, but it literally sucks the life out of me. When I woke up this morning, all I wanted was a cup of coffee and a glass of water to revive myself. Alas, no water, therefore no coffee so I had to make do with an ice cold Diet Coke which wasn't bad but which wasn't the same. I should also mention that I am still in the process of fixing up the old homestead, a project that is about as slow moving as mo...